Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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