Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize