U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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