i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
