I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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