You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Everclear isn't food dammit
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
