I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
