we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
