wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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