dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
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I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
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I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
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