theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
