I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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