My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Randomize
