the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
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