"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Randomize
