Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
