I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
