I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
My liver just broke up with me...
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
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nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
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You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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