Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
