i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
my nose is crying tears of wow.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Randomize
