She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
