Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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