how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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