cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
