Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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