when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
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