That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
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