Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Drunk is a universal language darling
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
