If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Just invented taco cereal.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
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