i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
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