so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
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