i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
