Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
