If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Randomize
