I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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