she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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