people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
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