My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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