M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
