she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
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