Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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