My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I am never drinking with the goths again.
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