If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
As shirtless as possible
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
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