Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Randomize
