Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Maybe he injected his testicle?
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Drunk is not a location!
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
