Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
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