So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
