Someone shit on the floor
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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