You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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