booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
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