last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
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