I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
my shit smells like andre
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
