i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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