It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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