is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
and i looked up. we had an audience...
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
