he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
