"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Randomize
