my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
