I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Randomize
