The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
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