my mouth tastes like poor choices
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
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