I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
