im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
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