The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Randomize
