Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
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The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
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I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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