my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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