This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
