Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
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