Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
