I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I checked into jail on foursquare
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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