I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
