I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
