when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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