yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I just want nice things and good sex
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
